Songs

Playin' Games

I heard the song "Plain Jane" by A$AP Ferg (NSFW song) a few times on Hip Hop Nation but didn't think much of it, and usually turned it off when it got to the bridge because my kids were in the car. Then one day the DJ announced it by saying it had been certified platinum, so I let it play all the way through, paid close attention to it, and immediately thought of this parody.

This is a song about those people who play video games on YouTube and somehow get millions of people to watch them do it.

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Lyrics

Ride down the block (Grand Theft Auto)
Jump on a croc (Pitfall)
Race as a Boo (Mario Kart 8 Deluxe)
Chomp on a dot (Pac-Man)
Birds in the lane (Flappy Bird)
Sweatin' from the strain
Tune in and watch
'Cause I'm playin' games

Camera on my face in the corner of the monitor
Welcome all my viewers with a catch phrase and moniker
Lighting and perfect make-up 'cause of mad vanity
Kids see me on their little screens and learn profanity
I'm-a start playin' a game then I'll tell you what I'm doin'
Narrating the scene plus some little quips I threw in
Many people tell me that I need to get a life
At least I play the games, you just watch me, right?
Couple hours each day you stay undaunted
Watchin' me play some game you wanted
No charity fundraiser or anything laudable
By the way this episode is brought to you by Audible
I might get a little arthritis in my hands
But I'm just actin' like a jerk 'cause I got to be
Being this obnoxious comes naturally
I'll make millions every year because people keep watchin' me

Ride down the block (Paperboy)
Load up your glock (Grand Theft Auto)
Dig in the ground (Dig-Dug)
Tour in Iraq (Call of Duty)
Work on your aim
Then fire up the MAME
Tune in and watch
'Cause I'm playin' games

Jump on a block (Super Mario Bros.)
Shoot at a flock (Duck Hunt)
Sit down and race (Gran Turismo)
Stand up and rock (Rock Band)
Run through the flames (The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild)
And back up your claims
Tune in and watch
'Cause I'm playin' games

Sega, Nintendo, or Sony?
Sega, Nintendo, or Sony?
Sega… hey, what about Microsoft?
Man, screw Microsoft! I'm still mad at them for buying Rare. I want more Banjo Kazooie!

I'm-a explain why you probably never seen me
I never filmed a suicide while in the forest streaming
It turns out YouTube audiences really aren't forgiving
Please believe when you see me I'm just trying to make a living
I do dumb things all the time and I make it look so easy
But even I know there's a limit to what we see
I think I need a break, my controller's gettin' greasy
And I'm wheezing, feelin' queasy, while I'm in my basement freezing
I know that if I stick with it I'll be a hit some day
'Cause not just anyone can talk while they play
YouTubers are common but I know it's meant to be
Hey look my view count just hit forty-three!

Line up a block (Tetris)
Pretend you're a jock (Madden NFL)
Pull out a spine (Mortal Kombat)
Hob nob with Spock (Star Trek)
Jump in the frame (Mario 64)
Race with a train (Mario Kart 64)
Tune in and watch
'Cause I'm playin' games

Jump on a block (Q*Bert)
Open a lock (Myst)
Crap in your pants (Silent Hill)
Fight with a rock (Mario Galaxy 2)
Enter your name (high score screen)
Or suffer through the pain (game over screen)
Tune in and watch
'Cause I'm playing games

Sega, Nintendo, or Sony?
Hey, what about ColecoVision?
Sega, Nintendo, or Sony?
Or the Intellivision?
Sega, Nintendo, or Sony?
I think I have an OUYA around here somewhere...
Sega, Nintendo, or Sony?