Songs

It Was a Good Black Friday

The holiday shopping season has become absolutely insane. Black Friday deals now start some time in October and people will stab each other for 10% off a blender. I had a thought that a day of shopping where nobody got trampled at the mall would be a good day, and a parody was born.

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Lyrics

Just wakin' up in the morn of Black Friday
Got a feeling this is gonna be my day
No traffic on the ten, but then again
Nobody on the road at 2am
I got to Walmart, and then I went "whoa!"
Finally got a parking spot right there in the front row
Runnin' through my list as I approach the store
Thinkin' will I give, to the santa by the door
I got a plushie of a Porg and it's so soft
I think I found a Switch, and check it out it's half
Off, had to stop by the TVs
Wavin' at the cameras so everybody sees me
And everything is so calm
I got a three-for-one offer on lemon-scented bath
Balm, called up the app for the shopping mall
And right there is ten percent off it all
Get me a new game and a futon
Last week shopped around and got a double coupon
Meetin' shoppers on the way but it's OK
I can't believe today was a good day

Drove to the mall to tackle that craze
Didn't even see no people takin' surveys
'Cause just yesterday they tried to sell me windows
Saw a display for Amazon Kindles
No stoppin', didn't even feel like
I was going to drop it as I finished up my shopping
Left the mall before dark and I didn't
Have to look too far for where I parked my car
Load it in, load it in, load it in, loaded!
Rollin' down the main avenue I see they've opened up
A brand new 7-11, another 7-11
And another, how the hell many do they think we need?
I picked up a Big Gulp
Saw a protester and didn't have to get involved
Plus nobody I know got killed at the mall today
You could say it was a good day

Stopped at Sears on the way
Picked up a grill been trying to find since last May
It's gigantic, I'm thinkin'
Can it maybe smoke every fish in the Atlantic?
While I was dreamin' 'bout those cravings
I pulled out my store card for even more savings
And these sales run deep, so deep
So deep iPhones are cheap
Weren't no angry chants, and nobody
Got trampled by a mob of white women in yoga pants
Drove to the pad singin' softly, took another
Sip of my coffee, got a free large Frosty
I was glad everything had worked out
Dropped my stuff off, and wasn't burnt out
Today was like some kind of fine treat
Didn't even see a granny slippin' on the concrete
No stupid airplanes dragging any banners
Two-year-old kids had perfect manners
Even found a sale on Goodyear tires
Bought directly from their suppliers
I'll admit this was really fun
Not even December and my shopping is nearly done
Today I didn't even have to use my A.K.
I gotta say it was a good day

Wait wait wait what the hell am I thinking? Hey you! Hand over those fidget spinners. I need them for my kids. In fact all the fidget stuff. Fidget spinners, fidget rollers, fidget clickers, fidget dildos, whatever. If it fidgets it's mine. And you, hand over that "Peace on Earth" decoration or I will beat your skull in!

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