Songs

The Last Song on the Album

You know how when an artist does a Christmas songs they always put them at the end of their album? Yeah.

Lyrics

Ugh, not again. I knew it. There’s no avoiding it.

Here come the damn
Sleigh bells, that's the first sign, it's a warning
You should probably just forget it or regret it in the morning
But it's just one song, the CD must go on
And now we know for whom the sleigh bells toll, carry on
This can only mean one thing, this CD is gonna
Bring a new thing for you and me to sing
'Cause it's Christmas time in here, at least it's starting out to be
I don't mean the time of year I man the part of the CD
'Cause every time a song's about Christmas again
There's never any warning they just stick it at the end
The album should've ended with a big top wow
So I won't be offended if you hit stop now
No final farewell, no epic grand finale
No grandiose swell around which we can all rally
Nope, we got a somewhat bleaker way to go
We'll end it with another freakin' ho ho ho

[chorus]
It's the last song on the album
And it's gonna spread some Christmas cheer
We're gonna end the CD quite festively
With a song you'll only listen to once a year
We're gonna break out the egg nog
And we'll deck the halls with mistletoe
Don't bother asking why it's the middle of July
Just ho, everybody, ho, everybody ho!

Who decided this was the way it had to be
Did the Commissioner of Christmas say that all CDs
Have to end with Christmas or you risk a shiny lump of coal?
Or did someone get a fax directly from the North Pole?
I don't know who was tasked with the ultimate decision
But now it's yet another stupid holiday tradition
At least it's not a thing that I hate in itself
That fruitcake thing came from Satan himself
I wonder where's the worst place to put a Christmas tune
Do you think if it was first it would be a bit too soon?
Would it be less annoying, even just a little
If they dropped it in (boing) randomly in the middle
Probably not, but they gotta put 'em somewhere
Anywhere, over there, hide 'em in your underwear
I got a thought but no one listens to me
Why don't you save 'em all up and release a whole CD?
(chorus)

I love you
Rock!
You're so beautiful
Rock!
You broke my heart
Rock!
Fa-la-la-la-laaaa, la-la-la-laa

So now we're stuck with it like creepy Uncle Joe
We know that it is coming but don't know when it'll go
You can skip it, I suppose, if it's not one of your favorites
If it ever comes to blows that's why God created playlists
Otherwise you'll be out listening one day
Either early in September or perhaps a day in May
When you're at a carnival and you shout with great zeal
"Merry Christmas" to the guy standing by the Ferris Wheel
Like a train that derails on the line
It never fails, and this is why sales are in decline
'Cause you play all the songs so you can't miss this
You're just boppin' along and then ah crap Christmas!
Ending albums that way is so cliché
Oy vey, we really need to find a better way
I'll put my music where my mouth is, this is my vow
That I'll never do it, um, starting now
(chorus)

Merry Christmas, everybody! Whenever that is.
Whether you celebrate it or not.
Ho ho ho?

(chorus)
Ugh, not again. I knew it. There’s no avoiding it.

Here come the damn
Sleigh bells, that's the first sign, it's a warning
You should probably just forget it or regret it in the morning
But it's just one song, the CD must go on
And now we know for whom the sleigh bells toll, carry on
This can only mean one thing, this CD is gonna
Bring a new thing for you and me to sing
'Cause it's Christmas time in here, at least it's starting out to be
I don't mean the time of year I man the part of the CD
'Cause every time a song's about Christmas again
There's never any warning they just stick it at the end
The album should've ended with a big top wow
So I won't be offended if you hit stop now
No final farewell, no epic grand finale
No grandiose swell around which we can all rally
Nope, we got a somewhat bleaker way to go
We'll end it with another freakin' ho ho ho

[chorus]
It's the last song on the album
And it's gonna spread some Christmas cheer
We're gonna end the CD quite festively
With a song you'll only listen to once a year
We're gonna break out the egg nog
And we'll deck the halls with mistletoe
Don't bother asking why it's the middle of July
Just ho, everybody, ho, everybody ho!

Who decided this was the way it had to be
Did the Commissioner of Christmas say that all CDs
Have to end with Christmas or you risk a shiny lump of coal?
Or did someone get a fax directly from the North Pole?
I don't know who was tasked with the ultimate decision
But now it's yet another stupid holiday tradition
At least it's not a thing that I hate in itself
That fruitcake thing came from Satan himself
I wonder where's the worst place to put a Christmas tune
Do you think if it was first it would be a bit too soon?
Would it be less annoying, even just a little
If they dropped it in (boing) randomly in the middle
Probably not, but they gotta put 'em somewhere
Anywhere, over there, hide 'em in your underwear
I got a thought but no one listens to me
Why don't you save 'em all up and release a whole CD?
(chorus)

I love you
Rock!
You're so beautiful
Rock!
You broke my heart
Rock!
Fa-la-la-la-laaaa, la-la-la-laa

So now we're stuck with it like creepy Uncle Joe
We know that it is coming but don't know when it'll go
You can skip it, I suppose, if it's not one of your favorites
If it ever comes to blows that's why God created playlists
Otherwise you'll be out listening one day
Either early in September or perhaps a day in May
When you're at a carnival and you shout with great zeal
"Merry Christmas" to the guy standing by the Ferris Wheel
Like a train that derails on the line
It never fails, and this is why sales are in decline
'Cause you play all the songs so you can't miss this
You're just boppin' along and then ah crap Christmas!
Ending albums that way is so cliché
Oy vey, we really need to find a better way
I'll put my music where my mouth is, this is my vow
That I'll never do it, um, starting now
(chorus)

Merry Christmas, everybody! Whenever that is.
Whether you celebrate it or not.
Ho ho ho?

(chorus)